This text was extracted from a buried periodical, Recovered from Sub-Salt Lake Project, Mining Expedition, circa 2068
Text believed to be advertisement, published circa 2047
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"Are you FAT?
Unable to FOCUS?
Never have enough ENERGY?
Feel like you’ve always been chronically WEAK?
Does everyone else seem TOUGHER? QUICKER? HAPPIER?
Have your genetics always kept you DOWN, no matter how hard you TRY?
Let
BODY BOOSTERS
fill in where heredity left off!
Body Boosters fuses the most cutting edge biochemical and genetic sciences breakthroughs to bring YOU a product you can actually use! Built scrawny? Lifting weighs can only get you so far! But with Body Boosters special “Bulk” formula, you can temporarily change your body type right at the source: the genetic code! Struggle with nerve damage or other forms of medical debilitation? Body Boosters can get you back in top form! Just one formula a day for five days, and you can be feeling the benefits for up to four months! Like how you feel? Continue taking Body Boosters for as long as you need! Want multiple benefits? Take up to three different formulas at once!
Finally, be everything you’re MEANT to be.
That’s
BODY BOOSTERS
Because why should you let chance control who you are?
Body Boosters!
(by Geneatix)
[Warning: + Do not use Body Boosters if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant as Body Boosters may permanently modify genetic makeup of fetal elements. Geneatix is not responsible for mutations in progeny caused by Body Boosters. + Those with a history of heart conditions, epilepsy, diabetes, or other serious ailments may wish to consult with a doctor before using Body Boosters, as sometimes conditions can be triggered or worsened during metamorphosis phase. + Those with cancers, tumors, or advanced parasitic infestations should exercise caution in using Body Boosters, as some forms are known to benefit from chemical genetic enhancement. Consult with a doctor to determine appropriate management around your conditions. + Do not use Body Boosters if you are undergoing chemotherapy, or may potentially find yourself in close proximity to medium to high radioactive elements. Geneatix is not responsible for unexpected and/or permanent body alterations caused by prolonged exposure to radiation during metamorphosis phase. + Those in continual use of Body Boosters for over a year should be routinely monitored by a medical professional.]"
